Rachel moved out over the weekend, so I’ve been cleaning out her space and turning it back into a guest room. I found a journal from February 2005… You guys – that was 12 years ago. That’s a small human’s life ago. I can’t.
Is it weird that I feel sort of the same and sort of nothing like I was then?
First of all, I am still friends with some of the people I was in that journal. I’m so glad. I had some really amazing things to say about you guys 12 years ago and I would still say the same things now. Our relationships may be different, but your hearts are the same. Thankful then. Thankful now.
Second of all, I find myself mourning my college years. That’s when I had very little responsibility and more free time and freedom than I will ever have again. Everyday was an adventure in finding out who I was. I may have known more then than I do now about myself. Adulthood can be a little crushing. You’re supposed to know who you are now – be married, have kids, a home, a career, an emergency fund, and a 401k.
Not that those things are bad. They’re not. I just really thought I was going to live paycheck to paycheck my whole life – serving coffee and watching live music. That was the dream. Am I right?
Ok, so not the paycheck to paycheck part, but the rest.
Third (and I’m pretty sure final) of all, I used to WRITE (and write and write). There were so many lines of observation and truth that poured out of me onto those pages. I’m not sure why I stopped. I think I got busy with work and people. I also don’t spend a lot of time alone, so I don’t have time to stop and let the thoughts stir and spill out.
The moral of this story is: stay in college for as long as you can. Those are the golden years.
(Rebecca, are you reading this?)
Also, if you want to write, then stay up late after the world is asleep and write.
Sleep is for the weak.
Coffee is my crack.
Note: this post is mostly induced by a 12 year old journal, but also maybe because I’m deep into Lena Dunham’s book and she just makes me want to be a badass who shares what she has to say.