I Found My Box of Letters in My Old Dresser Drawer

Rachel moved out over the weekend, so I’ve been cleaning out her space and turning it back into a guest room. I found a journal from February 2005… You guys – that was 12 years ago. That’s a small human’s life ago. I can’t.

Is it weird that I feel sort of the same and sort of nothing like I was then?

First of all, I am still friends with some of the people I was in that journal. I’m so glad. I had some really amazing things to say about you guys 12 years ago and I would still say the same things now. Our relationships may be different, but your hearts are the same. Thankful then. Thankful now.

Second of all, I find myself mourning my college years. That’s when I had very little responsibility and more free time and freedom than I will ever have again. Everyday was an adventure in finding out who I was. I may have known more then than I do now about myself. Adulthood can be a little crushing. You’re supposed to know who you are now – be married, have kids, a home, a career, an emergency fund, and a 401k.

Not that those things are bad. They’re not. I just really thought I was going to live paycheck to paycheck my whole life – serving coffee and watching live music. That was the dream. Am I right?

Ok, so not the paycheck to paycheck part, but the rest.

Third (and I’m pretty sure final) of all, I used to WRITE (and write and write).  There were so many lines of observation and truth that poured out of me onto those pages. I’m not sure why I stopped. I think I got busy with work and people. I also don’t spend a lot of time alone, so I don’t have time to stop and let the thoughts stir and spill out.

The moral of this story is: stay in college for as long as you can. Those are the golden years.

(Rebecca, are you reading this?)

Also, if you want to write, then stay up late after the world is asleep and write.

Sleep is for the weak.
Coffee is my crack.

Note: this post is mostly induced by a 12 year old journal, but also maybe because I’m deep into Lena Dunham’s book and she just makes me want to be a badass who shares what she has to say.


Listening: I Nine (because college)
Reading: Not That Kind of Girl (You guys use Overdrive, right?)

New Year. New Rules.

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photo from eliseblaha.typepad.com

This is what two residents and I decided. New Year, New Rules. You can throw out the things that didn’t work for you in the past and begin again. And, if you find out in a few days/weeks/months that these rules aren’t working for you, then you haven’t failed – it’s just time to adjust and that’s ok.

It’s ok to try new things and for them to not work out. No one is judging the person who tries – only the person who does nothing.

This year, I am trying to be more grateful for the amazing life I have. My husband is the best – he takes care of me and loves me hard in all the ways he can. My friends and family are getting married, having babies, chasing professional goals, and traveling to visit us and other parts of the world – and I get to be a part of those stories. Plus, Mr. Bear is learning to come find me for snuggles every morning – in a way that only our little Bear nugget can.

This year, I am trying to be more healthy, so I can keep my amazing life going for a long time. I used to workout like a crazy person and eat so fresh and so clean clean. Well, with marriage comes love (handles) and now I’m learning to get back at it. Starting with… a Clean Eating Challenge by my friend Megan Greb! And likely a 3 Day Refresh from Beach Body. Because baby steps are good for me and I need to learn to curb my crazy cravings again. (Also, I’m looking for a gym and even a trainer to visit once or twice a week, so if you have any suggestions throw ’em at me!)

Those are my goals for the new year. Be Grateful. Be Healthy.

The rules I follow to reach those goals may change from month to month, but that’s ok. I’ll keep my eyes on the prize. I’ll create some good habits for a good life. I’ll (hopefully) be sharing this journey here with you all – because I’m really grateful for the gift of my very own website 🙂